A couple of months ago I wrote a piece entitled “The best of the buffets.” It was primarily a response to my students who love Tyler’s buffet restaurants and couldn’t conceive of why I generally dislike them. In the interest of full discloser I made a list of the establishments I actually liked and why. Well, forgive the hubris but I thought it might be fun to make a short list of the buffets I personally consider some of the worst in town. The following are in descending order.

China King

When China King first opened it was trumpeted as the best Chinese buffet in the city of Tyler. As buffets go it may have been… But it didn’t last. China King has the largest selection of food, but the quality is poor to say the least. The dishes tend to sit far too long under the lamps and still manage to taste dry and lukewarm.

I must confess however, that my dislike of China King isn’t only about the food. It’s also the lack of atmosphere. (I realize this may reflect an unrealistic expectation for a buffet). The store seems run down and sloppy. The staff is more concerned with moving customers in and out quickly in order to make room for the next herd. Strangely, the straw that broke the camel’s back for me came when I visited the men’s room shortly before eating. While there I was treated to an obscene series of messages carved into the stall door. Now, I understand that this has little to do with the food the restaurant serves, but I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m eating at the local truck stop. When taking in the whole package, that visit to the mis-named “King” had the effect of making me feel vaguely cheap and ashamed. My conscience was inexplicably heavy. I decided then and there, to set my sights on more seemly establishments. The next time someone suggests having lunch at a Chinese buffet, don’t be degraded, try to steer them toward Chine Café. It’s a far better restaurant on every level.

Cici’s Pizza

I would love to give Cici’s the lowest rank, among these restaurants but unfortunately that dishonor is reserved for another establishment. I rarely miss an opportunity to take a shot at Cici’s Pizza. In fact I’ve stated on numerous occasions that I prefer Totino’s frozen pizza to that particular buffet. Why? Because I find the crust doughy, and the toppings cheap, (and by cheap I do not mean inexpensive).

The store’s ads constantly promise that the customer can eat at the buffet for under five dollars. I’ll pass on the “you get what you pay for,” reminder, and say simply that the last time I ate at Cici’s (quite against my will I assure you) I paid over seven for my meal. The selection was not what I was promised either. What I did find failed to satisfy even my two year old son, who prefers pizza to nearly every other food I can provide.

This brings me to the old issue of atmosphere. Let me just say that I’m still getting my hearing back. The doctors assure me that I should eventually be able to enjoy music and the arts again, but it will take time. Ok all sarcasm aside, I find it difficult to enjoy a meal when I need a bull horn to make myself heard across the table… Oops sarcasm again, sorry. As a kids restaurant, Cici’s does offer entertainment in the arcade but then so does Ken’s and the food is better. Even better yet, take them to Double Dave’s for some real pizza, and watch the game with them while you’re there. That’s how memories are made.

Ryan’s

If my reader has been placed on an all starch, all grease diet for any reason; Ryan’s is the establishment for you. Likewise if you prefer your steak tough and well done this could be your buffet of choice. Personally I’ve never had a hankering for restaurant style macaroni and cheese, so I don’t frequent Ryan’s. Honestly, it’s been a couple of years since I visited the store but there’s a reason for that, namely the quality of the food is definitely poor. My last visit was followed immediately by a dose of Tums and a counseling session with my priest. Alright so I’m exaggerating again but seriously, I do know people who people who actually enjoy Ryan’s, just not many. I will say this for the restaurant, the atmosphere is definitely quieter (and this is not due solely to lack of patronage). Next to the above businesses, Ryan’s is tranquil.

So there are my choices for the worst of Tyler’s buffets. There may be others that deserve to make the list but it’s now after midnight and I need some sleep. For those readers who find my criticisms harsh, put them to the test. China King is located in the French Quarter, Cici’s has two locations to choose from, one on the West Loop next to Atwood’s, the other on the South Loop next to Albertson’s, and Ryan’s can be found on South Broadway next to Olive Garden. But whatever you do just don’t say I didn’t warn you.